Oh the irony of today. Recently I've been thinking quite about about my next blog update. From my list below, what would be the "thing" I write about. Life is getting busier and I needed to make the next post a thoughtful one, I thought...
Yes, I was thought I would write about my job. This year as been a very, very up and down year with work. I was having a great catch up day yesterday and a good week in general. God has placed the exact people on my "team" that I need. He's given me the most amazing boss ever. He's advanced me to places beyond my wildest dreams. It truly is amazing. I was writing this post in my head...until today that is.
Sigh, today has been one of those "November" days. Grey, bleak, long, frustrating, cold, snowy, and in general, not fun.
I wanted to get up, have a warm shower and feel good before I started my day. I had this brilliant plan to hit the snowy roads before everyone else did. But, I got up later than I wanted to. I should know by now *not* to turn the alarm off. So, I rushed out of the house, at the exact same time the rest of Calgary. After being on the roads for 20 minutes, I was actually about 5 minutes away from my house. I stopped at Starbucks, determined to not be frustrated. I hit the road again, and while my coffee was great, it wasn't helping as much as I wanted it to. I sat at a light for 5 minutes...for 10 minutes, moving forward a car length at a time. I wasn't impressed.
"I should just go home." But, no, my cure for frustration is getting items checked of my list, not going home and moping. I was determined to get to work. My frustration reached the point of pulling a u-turn and heading to the nearest C-train station. Yes, I was that desperate. After taking the train for 4.5 years, I feel like I've done my "time"...I found a parking spot, very far away from the station, I trudged through the snow and wind, I waited for the train in the snow and wind, and I was getting more frustrated.
I finally sat on the train, with no book. Great. Now I was bored. Yes, I know, I'm being over dramatic. But this is exactly how I felt. By the time I got to work (2 hours after I left home), I was just down right angry, and wasn't shy about telling people either.
I let out my frustration out on organizing, which usually helps. It didn't today. In my head I was just getting more and more frustrated. I was angry at customers. I was angry at family. I was angry at the weather. I was angry at co-workers. I was talking on Skype with my boss and finally had to tell him I couldn't talk anymore and I'd call when I was happier. Now, does that sound like a 3 year old or what?
"What can I do to put myself in a better mood?" I tried to think of something, but you know what? I was enjoying my anger. I didn't want to pray for the joy of the Lord. I didn't want to listen to cheerful music. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be angry. That's a scary feeling.
How ironic. Just yesterday I wanted to write about how much I loved work. Now I was sitting at work, angry. Don't worry, I won't end here.
I finally pushed past the anger, just a bit, and found some music. Step one. Okay, it was my "angry" music (we all have a bit of that, right?). But, sometimes my angry music is my bridge to reality again. As I started to listen and just sit there (step two, forget about the work you should be doing and calm down!). Breath. Calm. Down....and gradually, I started to chuckle a little, as my music pounded in my ears. I got to a point of looking at my morning and realizing how terrible it *wasn't*. I let myself give into the little irritations of life. Yes, I had lots to be frustrated about, but nothing to be angry about.
As I sat I started to read other blogs by friends. We all have "blah" moments (using Breanne's term). But, even in the blah-ness and frustrations, there is joy. I start to look at my cleaner desk, and find joy in the fact that it is tidier now than earlier. I look outside, and while the cars slide around, the sky is just a bit brighter than before. I look at my phone and I have a one word text from a friend reminding me of an inside joke and I start to laugh. I start to think about the little things that bring me joy. Chai tea lattes, little girls with a silly sense of humour, a warm office, choir, Christmas, friends who will text me one word :), a boss who cares about how I feel...and gradually, my frustrations seems to fade, and the music changes. Now I *want* to be in a good mood.
So, now, I'm back. Back from anger, with fewer frustrations. The Christmas choir music is on (and I can even smile at the Gb+ song I need to learn), and I imagine myself drinking chai (it's too cold to go out for one!). Now I want to call Alex back because I'm happier. I want to write about how much I love my job. I want get work done. And, above all, I can pray for the joy of the Lord to over take me...I can pray that I make a melody for Him this afternoon, and not one of my own.