Thursday, November 18, 2010

November, Snow, Anger, Irony...JOY

Oh the irony of today. Recently I've been thinking quite about about my next blog update. From my list below, what would be the "thing" I write about. Life is getting busier and I needed to make the next post a thoughtful one, I thought...

Yes, I was thought I would write about my job. This year as been a very, very up and down year with work. I was having a great catch up day yesterday and a good week in general. God has placed the exact people on my "team" that I need. He's given me the most amazing boss ever. He's advanced me to places beyond my wildest dreams. It truly is amazing. I was writing this post in my head...until today that is.

Sigh, today has been one of those "November" days. Grey, bleak, long, frustrating, cold, snowy, and in general, not fun. 

I wanted to get up, have a warm shower and feel good before I started my day. I had this brilliant plan to hit the snowy roads before everyone else did.  But, I got up later than I wanted to. I should know by now *not* to turn the alarm off. So, I rushed out of the house, at the exact same time the rest of Calgary. After being on the roads for 20 minutes, I was actually about 5 minutes away from my house. I stopped at Starbucks, determined to not be frustrated. I hit the road again, and while my coffee was great, it wasn't helping as much as I wanted it to. I sat at a light for 5 minutes...for 10 minutes, moving forward a car length at a time. I wasn't impressed. 

"I should just go home." But, no, my cure for frustration is getting items checked of my list, not going home and moping. I was determined to get to work. My frustration reached the point of pulling a u-turn and heading to the nearest C-train station. Yes, I was that desperate. After taking the train for 4.5 years, I feel like I've done my "time"...I found a parking spot, very far away from the station, I trudged through the snow and wind, I waited for the train in the snow and wind, and I was getting more frustrated. 

I finally sat on the train, with no book. Great. Now I was bored. Yes, I know, I'm being over dramatic. But this is exactly how I felt. By the time I got to work (2 hours after I left home), I was just down right angry, and wasn't shy about telling people either.

I let out my frustration out on organizing, which usually helps. It didn't today. In my head I was just getting more and more frustrated. I was angry at customers. I was angry at family. I was angry at the weather. I was angry at co-workers. I was talking on Skype with my boss and finally had to tell him I couldn't talk anymore and I'd call when I was happier. Now, does that sound like a 3 year old or what?

"What can I do to put myself in a better mood?" I tried to think of something, but you know what? I was enjoying my anger. I didn't want to pray for the joy of the Lord. I didn't want to listen to cheerful music. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be angry. That's a scary feeling.

How ironic. Just yesterday I wanted to write about how much I loved work. Now I was sitting at work, angry. Don't worry, I won't end here.

I finally pushed past the anger, just a bit, and found some music. Step one. Okay, it was my "angry" music (we all have a bit of that, right?). But, sometimes my angry music is my bridge to reality again. As I started to listen and just sit there (step two, forget about the work you should be doing and calm down!). Breath. Calm. Down....and gradually, I started to chuckle a little, as my music pounded in my ears. I got to a point of looking at my morning and realizing how terrible it *wasn't*. I let myself give into the little irritations of life. Yes, I had lots to be frustrated about, but nothing to be angry about.

As I sat I started to read other blogs by friends. We all have "blah" moments (using Breanne's term). But, even in the blah-ness and frustrations, there is joy. I start to look at my cleaner desk, and find joy in the fact that it is tidier now than earlier. I look outside, and while the cars slide around, the sky is just a bit brighter than before. I look at my phone and I have a one word text from a friend reminding me of an inside joke and I start to laugh. I start to think about the little things that bring me joy. Chai tea lattes, little girls with a silly sense of humour, a warm office, choir, Christmas, friends who will text me one word :), a boss who cares about how I feel...and gradually, my frustrations seems to fade, and the music changes. Now I *want* to be in a good mood.

So, now, I'm back. Back from anger, with fewer frustrations. The Christmas choir music is on (and I can even smile at the Gb+ song I need to learn), and I imagine myself drinking chai (it's too cold to go out for one!). Now I want to call Alex back because I'm happier. I want to write about how much I love my job. I want get work done. And, above all, I can pray for the joy of the Lord to over take me...I can pray that I make a melody for Him this afternoon, and not one of my own.


  1. Thanks for writing that, Leanne. It is so good to see the reality of life in other people, 'oh, you mean you have those days too?'

  2. Amen Leanne! Today has been one of those mornings for me too. One where I don't want to want to joyful. =/ Thanks for sharing!

    PS - I'm glad you've started a blog. =)

  3. I'm still finding it very cool to get a glimpse into the life of Leanne. Not happy to hear about your rough morning but happy to hear that you were able to pull yourself out of it. I think I may need some of your reminders every once in a while!

    Hope tomorrow is a better day...

  4. So very true and a good reminder. It's too easier to "relish" the angry moments. I like your blog. :)

  5. Wilkie, your Mondays are my Wednesdays! I've been dreading tomorrow...but I'm encouraged that it's really just as good as we make it...and it's in who we give our emotions over to. I'm gonna take it on!
    Choosing joy!