Overwhelmed

My heart is overwhelmed. I just finished a weekend of four concerts, and my heart is full, 

to overflowing.

Overwhelmed by grace.

It is only by His grace that I can worship...and I know I can't do it in my own strength. I'm overwhelmed that He has given me this skill (feeble as it often is). But in truth, it means nothing if it isn't for Him. It's moments like this that I recognize my own broken-ness even more and revel in His gift of grace.

Full of joy.

There is nothing that gives me more joy then worshipping the Lord through song. I can't help but smile as I play, and my heart can't help but soar.

Pulled into His embrace.

There is never a sweeter feeling than being pulled into His embrace. Reaching my arms to Him to be comforted and filled with contentment.

Surrounded by peace.

Realizing that peace is something that only comes through Christ. Through Jesus. It creeps into to messy situations, to heartbreak, to loneliness; there is stillness. Recognizing that life is okay, because God is with us. Emmanuel. (Thank you, Aimee!)

I literally sobbed my way home tonight. Overwhelmed by these realizations. 

So full of joy, wonder, contentment, and love. 

Psalm 34, vs. 3 "Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together."

vs. 8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him."

The Journey Continues...

Mind, body, and soul. 

Emotional, physical, and spiritual.

All three are connected, intertwined so they can't be separated. And all, when neglected, leave one exhausted.

Life seems to take on a new form of busyness. A busyness of the mind. Where reality seems to cave in and collide all at the same time. The emotions can't cope, and they slowly turn off -- And you sink into a place of unfeeling.

This leaves the physical realm much to be desired. When unable to handle the cartwheels going through your mind, the last thing you feel like doing is real cartwheels. Life seems easier from the desk chair and from the couch.

And while you know that the Comforter is always ready to hear from you, it's all your little soul can do to indeed remember that He is there. You're holding on by a thread.

Coping.

Facing choices.

Little choices. Daily choices. Hourly choices. Perspective choices. Learning that when your perspective changes, your life, year, day, and minute can change.

When overwhelmed, look for the little task that you can accomplish. 

When upset, find one small area that brings you joy. Find a reason to smile

When sad, look out the window and find beauty. Revel in it.

When lonely, call a friend. Don't wait for them to call you.

When exhausted, either take a nap or do some push-ups.

And in all things, give thanks. To Him. The Giver of Life. The Healer of Dreams. The Prince of Peace. The One True Rest.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases; Who redeems, who satisfies your mouth with good things; so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. The Lord executes righteousness and judgement for all that are oppressed." Psalm 103:1-6

NWSC - Singing Praises

"Sing praises to God, sing praises: sing praises unto our King, sing praises."

Psalm 47:6

"Sing unto the Lord, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the 

remembrance of his holiness."

Psalm 30:4

"Sing praises to the Lord, which dwelleth in Zion: declare among 

the people his doings."

Psalm 9:11

"Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with 

stringed instruments and organs."

Psalm 150:4

And that is why I do what I do. I do it to praise the One who gave me these gifts. 

That is why I love these people. I love that we can proclaim His name. Together. As a single voice testifing to His power, love, and grace. Immeasurable grace.

Dad

I've been posting about my dad a lot this last year. I don't exactly know why. For some reason this past year has been a "hard" one, or at least one where I've thought about Dad a lot.

I think one reason has been that all male relationships that I have/had in my life have taken a drastic turn, in this last year. My boss, boyfriend, brother, pastor, etc; All have changed. Not necessarily in a terrible way, but I 100% know that any sort of male loss, however small, affects me in a much deeper why than the average person, specifically because of the loss of my dad.

Anyways, all that to say that this day, 11 years ago, is the day that my dad went to share Jesus' home. Part of me can't believe that it has been that long, and another part of me thinks that it was just yesterday. There are so many details that I remember about those first few days and him:

I very distinctly remember my sister coming into my room to tell me about Dad. I was still sleeping and Lisa came and woke me up. She was about to head to school when Mom had called her from the hospital. I remember Pastor Dave coming to pick all three of us kids up and my grandma to take us to the hospital. And of course, I remember what I wore (please, how is that helpful to remember? Why do I remember that?!)

At the hospital Pastor Murray and Lorrie were already there to be with Mom and meet us (I also remember what Lorrie was wearing. Again, why??). Pastor Murray told me this year that when talking to my mom that morning she had said "We'll never laugh again". Murray and Lorrie tried to encourage her that life would be okay and we would be okay. To which she replied, "No, no. Al was the funny one. I'm not the funny one. We'll never laugh again." :) I can so hear my mom saying that. And on that note, Mom does provide us with many moments of laugher.

I do so remember the support we got from people. I can't even say what people "did" for us, but just that we never, ever felt alone. People from North Vancouver, our neighbors, friends, and especially our church. That is one of the reasons I love my church, in the massive amounts of love that have poured from them to our family. 

Looking back at Dad's life, I'm always astounded at his listening ears to the ways of the Lord. The simple fact that he became a Christian by feeling called to pick the Bible up and read it, with no frame of reference to it's meaning. The courage it took Mom and him to step out in faith and home-school us, because the Lord called them too. His huge example of Godly character in working at Kellogg's for 25 years. And so many other ways. 

I remember so clearly his desire for us kids to do well. Providing us with great education, example of good character, and amazing opportunities to do well.

I remember the love he had for Mom. So evident in their marriage and home. I miss seeing my mom loved. 

I love that I don't feel like I grew up without a dad. At age 14, he made a big enough impact for me to feel like I grew up and was raised by him. 

I love knowing people who knew Dad. It really does mean a lot for them to have a further understanding of our family because they saw the influence he had on us. I love hearing how he impacted other people's lives, and even still impacts them. 

I don't like that he isn't here to see me perform, and jealous that he is listening to better music in heaven. 

I'm sad that most people in my life don't know him. I'm sad that my future husband and family missed that part of my life. And for my poor husband having to live up to my dad's reputation. :)

I miss him. For my sake. For my mom's sake. For my sister and her family. He would have been the greatest grandpa. I miss him for my brother who has to figure out life without a dad. For his sister's who no longer have a big brother. For his parents who miss their oldest child and shouldn't have to deal with the loss of a child. I miss him for all the people who never got to meet him.

But, I'm grateful that I did have him as my dad. And beyond grateful that I have my Heavenly Father who has been faithful through the last 11 years. For He is faithful, and worthy to be called Father.

Love you, Dad.

Struggles and Maturity

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

If there were a list of "over-used" Bible verses, this would be on it, I know. But, honestly, can Scripture really be overused (when in the right context!)?

We are all faced with trials. Some big, and some little. I guess I've always known that and recognize that this is just a "part of life".

But these verses hit me hard. What we choose to do with our struggles is completely up to us. We know that God is faithful within our struggles. But we always have the choice to make these struggles worth something. It's not enough to simply say that God will help us through. He will, but we still have a choice. A choice to mature and persevere, or to let the struggle go by and no change us.

How do I react to my struggles? The big ones and the little ones. Who do I call on when I have an issue? Is there maturity and love in my words, actions, and reactions? Do I choose to "lack nothing", or do I get caught up in my judgements and feelings?

How do your struggles change you?

Third Time's A Charm

So, about two weeks ago I got this email:

"Hello Leanne,
Hope you are doing well.
Would you be interested in going back to Carnegie Hall and playing this time with MIchael W Smith?
We are hosting Michael at Carnegie in Jan 2013.
I've attached the detail sheet below. I'd love to have you in the orchestra again if you think you could come.
Let me know what questions you may have.
Blessings.
Roy"

I was sitting in a meeting at work when I read this, and I think my eyes nearly did popped out of my head. Shock. I love the "just let me know if you have questions". Of course I have questions. Gah! A few e-mails followed back and forth and I got this one:

"The choir is about to fill up in the next 2-3 weeks then we will start building our orchestra.

90% of the players will be union professionals from NY, so it will be a really fine orchestra directed by David Hamilton.

Several of the pieces will be from Michael's new instrumental CD which is awesome and was recorded by the London Philharmonic."

Wait. What? David Hamilton, the man I secretly curse because of the impossibility of some of his string orchestrations? The man who orchestrates all of MWS's work? The man who is a genius?

Wait? What? NYC union players? Me? Play? With them? At Carnegie?

So all that to say, I'm headed back to New York, New York. For the third time. To take in more 5th Avenue, to see more Broadway shows, to travel and hang out with one of my oldest friends (who gets to sing with us too!) and to play at Carnegie Hall. Again. 

Carnegie Hall. January 2012. Annie Moses Band.

I'm in awe. I don't know how this is happening to me. I feel like it shouldn't happen to me. But it is. I feel like the luckiest most blessed girl in the world. 

Thank you Lord for this talent. Thank you Lord for parents who saw the value in musical education. Thank you Lord for this opportunity. ALL glory be to Him.

Central Park. August 2008

Empire State Building. January 2012

Yellowstone, Bison, and Co.

So, back in May I went on a little road trip. 

Down to Wyoming. To Yellowstone National Park. With two special people.

Here are a few highlights. 

Me, being me.

This was a lovely little road side stop in Montana.

Finally at Yellowstone. Reading the warning about the goring bisions.

My Penny and Nessa. With the geysers.

Walking the boardwalks.

My favourite series of pictures.

I decided to join the Chinese tour group.

It's always a good time for a photo shoot.

Old Faithful

Another favourite...and a long run for Penny to get to that sign

after setting the timer for this shot.

The beautiful sisters.

Another timer opp.

A beautiful moment in the Lord's creation.

My favourite moment. So breath-taking.

Geysers are not the most pleasant smelling forces of nature.

"Get me out of this stinkin' fresh air!"

Another favourite sequence.

This bision caused a slight delay while leaving, but did bring out

Jocelyn's feelings toward these beasts.

"I love bison!"

Oh, well, that group shoot didn't work.

Me and the photographer herself. I love her.

Some photo fun while waiting at a road construction site.

 Just another look.

Why make a good photo, when it can be a funny one?

And a little spelunking to end our weekend.

What a joy to spend a solid four days with these two. I love that we can chat, be silient, laugh, be hyper, be sad and down, be high on sugar, and create amazing memories together.

Majority of photos are compliments of Jocelyn Dawn Photography - www.jocelyndawnphotography.blogspot.ca

If you have made it to the end of this post, congratulations. 

Rest

clinging to His promises

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

Matthew 11: 28-30

craving rest. joy. peace. sleep. space.

praising the Lord. learning from the Master

still so thankful for the life He has blessed me with 

Dearest Leanne

August 27, 2001

Dearest Leanne,

If you are reading this, then I am already in heaven, but I can still see if your room is a mess, so tidy it up! I want you to know that you were a wonderful daughter to me. God blessed me by bringing a beautiful, curly-haired little girl into our family. From the day she was born, a spark of life and fun came into our home. What a treat when you got us all giggling at the table. You just have a way of seeing things from a funny way and making the rest of us see it along with you. Thank you for what you mean to our family as a special ray of sunshine that only you can bring to it.

I want you to know that it is clear that God has His hand on your life that has a sensitive, tender way with people. You know how to be a good friend, and you're already showing signs to say "no" to wrong things.

The reason God put you in this family is because He is desiring something very special for it, not just for now but also for many generations into the future. He is starting with us. He gave Mommy and I the vision to raise you to be one mighty in character and spirit, and certainly not just to be an "average Christian". God's desire for you is that your life will be completely dedicated to Him so that you can make significant impact for Him with your life. If you have a family, and I pray you will, then the spiritual heritage that you received will be your responsibility to pass onto your children. God has no "average Christians" in this family. For every generation, what you received will be your privilege to pass on to your children and grandchildren and theirs to pass on down the generations. You are part of something much bigger than you can imagine. The world is going to become a much more difficult place for Christians to be in God has chosen you to be one of His mighty warriors.

Leanne, I can hardly wait to greet you at heaven's door. In the mean time, just know that I love you dearly and am so proud of you. God bless you.

~Dad

It's the Littlest Things

It's the littlest things that can make an evening so thoughtful, pensive, relaxing, nourishing, and enjoyable, all at the same time:

Ridding my room of all the little (and big) things that it has collected over the last few weeks.

The anticipation of Friday, just because it's Friday.

Pondering memories. Remembering.

Choosing to see the beauty: photos, flowers, books, purple, presents, dolls.

My cows.

The sweet sounds of new music echoing through my room.

The anticipation of a strawberry milkshake.

Loving my evening at home.

This Week

Monday

• Start work at 8:00am
• 5 customer appointments
• Shop for concert apparel (there has to be something out there!)
• Civic Symphony

Tuesday

• Start work at 8:00am
• Meeting with marketing/IT who isn't following up on their contract
• New West Creative Team Meeting
• Last New West rehearsal for the year

Wednesday

• Start work at 8:00am
• Remaining 3 customer appointments
• Spend an evening at home with my Grandma (who is flying for my concert on Friday)

Thursday

• Start work at 8:00am (can you tell that I think this is a big deal?)
• Request afternoon off to set up for New West 
• Set up for New West Concert
• Dress rehearsal for said concert

Friday

• Prepare hair and make-up for concert
• Start work at 8:00am
• Die of exhaustion
• Make final concert preparations
• CONCERT @ 7:30pm!!!!!!!

Saturday

• Birthday party for friend <3
• Afternoon "off"?????
• Prep for concert
• More concert prep
• CONCERT @ 7:30pm

Work is mingled into this mix, as well as visiting with Grandma, as well as all final concert prep (tickets, sponsors, guest musicians info, and so much more).

It'll be an epic week. A busy week. An exhausting week. A great, great, great, great, great week. I'm so excited!

No. 4 *Love* - Shoes and Socks

I haven't posted a little known "love" for a little while...and I realized as I looked through my iphone pictures, that not only do I love shoes...I love taking pictures of them! These are a few beauties I found!

I love brown. 

Favourites (along with my new flag pants!)

Oh, the classics...yes, I have multiple pairs of these shoes.

Oh, looks like I have multiples of these too!

My beauties.

Hiking sandals! Hooray for Chacos!

And socks. I love them. Nothing is nicer than putting on brand new socks...they keep your feet so warm and cozy and just wrap your whole foot in a soft, tight hug!

Cow print is never too far away in my world.

Yes, I fully recognize that I'm strange. I choose to embrace it.

There and Back Again

I feel a little bit like Bilbo Baggins - There and Back Again

The last feel months have been...Hard? Challenging? Stretching? I'm not sure the correct term. I don't think there is one. They have just the kind of months that you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and hope they lead somewhere.

A couple major things happened. Job Change and Relationship Change. Did you catch the theme there? Change. Have you met me? Exactly. Change. 

Job. Yes, yet again I have changed my profession, or perhaps returned to it. After only seven months at my "new job", I decided to get a "new, new job" much sooner than I expected. There were serveral series of events that led up to the necessity to change, mostly due to the fantastic-ness of my new job. Let's put it simply 1) Better pay 2) More vacation 3) Back to my first "love" of the building/development world 4) Working with one of my best friends, and the real kicker 5) 10 flippin' minutes from home. 

Really, how can you go wrong? The hardest thing ever was telling my boss, after only a few months of working that I was quitting. I felt terrible - like dirt. I was just getting good at my job (sort of) and starting to become useful. It was hard. I truly hope I never have to quit a job again (but then again, I hope not to work forever either....hmmm, me and my skewed logic again). It was emotionally draining to come to this decision and make the change happen. 

I've been at the new, new job for one month and love it. Love what I do. Love the people I work with. Love the commute. I'm so thankful for the Lord's leading in finding this new fit for me. Seriously, so thankful!

Perhaps having too much fun on a Friday afternoon at the office?

Relationship. Yes, exciting. No, not exciting. Boy. No Boy. That's how my spring went. I won't go into more detail. But the emotions of being so excited, and then so crushed is exhausting and so much work...especially in the midst quitting and starting a new job. 

Again, have you met me? I'm slightly emotional. Okay, a lot emotional. If you haven't seen me in April and May, be thankful, because the emotions of all this change were strange. (For those of you who have been part of my past few months, I can't express the incredible thankfulness I have that God chose you to be in my life. Seriously, I'm overwhelmed by your love, care and prayer).

Change. Change has great potential, right? It can be a change for good. Change can make life that much better. If you never embrace change, you can't move forward, can't get better at the things you do or the person you are. But change is scary because it's stepping out on a limb. It's stepping out of your normal to attempt a new normal. You take a risk. And you could fail. You could fall. You ask questions.

So I asked questions. 

Big Ones: Do I take these new opportunities? What should I be doing with my life? Who should I spend my time with? What ramifications will these decisions have on my life in the future? What does my future look like? Do I take this job?

Little Ones: Do I say yes or no? What questions do I ask? Did I say the right thing? Am I too happy? Am I too sad? Do I open? Do I trust now? When is the right time? What do I wear? ;)

Prayer. Never has my life been more full of prayer. It has been bathed in prayer. Saturated. Soaked. It.has.been.wonderful. All the questions - asked of the Lord. And He answered and is so faithful.  

Can I just say that God is real? So real and present in my life. He has given me more grace and direction than ever before. Through every joy, sorrow, love, friend, hug, ache and smile, Jesus has been right by my side. Showing me His immense love for me. Immense. Intense. I am His -- He cares.

I know, this is the most random "throw up" of thoughts...but I look at these moments: 

Job. Relationship. Change. Prayer. 

And I'm so thankful. Thankful to experience joy in the changes. Thankful for the opportunity to grow and be challenged. Thankful for God's grace. Thankful that I can saturate my life in prayer and it makes a difference. Thankful to be pushed (or dragged) closer to Him. Thankful to feel the intense and immense love of Jesus.

 I feel like God has taken me on a journey. There and back again. I don't know where "there" was...and I don't even know where He's bring me "back" to. 

But I'm on His journey. And I love it, because I love Him.