Friday, September 14, 2012


I've been posting about my dad a lot this last year. I don't exactly know why. For some reason this past year has been a "hard" one, or at least one where I've thought about Dad a lot.

I think one reason has been that all male relationships that I have/had in my life have taken a drastic turn, in this last year. My boss, boyfriend, brother, pastor, etc; All have changed. Not necessarily in a terrible way, but I 100% know that any sort of male loss, however small, affects me in a much deeper why than the average person, specifically because of the loss of my dad.

Anyways, all that to say that this day, 11 years ago, is the day that my dad went to share Jesus' home. Part of me can't believe that it has been that long, and another part of me thinks that it was just yesterday. There are so many details that I remember about those first few days and him:

I very distinctly remember my sister coming into my room to tell me about Dad. I was still sleeping and Lisa came and woke me up. She was about to head to school when Mom had called her from the hospital. I remember Pastor Dave coming to pick all three of us kids up and my grandma to take us to the hospital. And of course, I remember what I wore (please, how is that helpful to remember? Why do I remember that?!)

At the hospital Pastor Murray and Lorrie were already there to be with Mom and meet us (I also remember what Lorrie was wearing. Again, why??). Pastor Murray told me this year that when talking to my mom that morning she had said "We'll never laugh again". Murray and Lorrie tried to encourage her that life would be okay and we would be okay. To which she replied, "No, no. Al was the funny one. I'm not the funny one. We'll never laugh again." :) I can so hear my mom saying that. And on that note, Mom does provide us with many moments of laugher.

I do so remember the support we got from people. I can't even say what people "did" for us, but just that we never, ever felt alone. People from North Vancouver, our neighbors, friends, and especially our church. That is one of the reasons I love my church, in the massive amounts of love that have poured from them to our family. 

Looking back at Dad's life, I'm always astounded at his listening ears to the ways of the Lord. The simple fact that he became a Christian by feeling called to pick the Bible up and read it, with no frame of reference to it's meaning. The courage it took Mom and him to step out in faith and home-school us, because the Lord called them too. His huge example of Godly character in working at Kellogg's for 25 years. And so many other ways. 

I remember so clearly his desire for us kids to do well. Providing us with great education, example of good character, and amazing opportunities to do well.

I remember the love he had for Mom. So evident in their marriage and home. I miss seeing my mom loved. 

I love that I don't feel like I grew up without a dad. At age 14, he made a big enough impact for me to feel like I grew up and was raised by him. 

I love knowing people who knew Dad. It really does mean a lot for them to have a further understanding of our family because they saw the influence he had on us. I love hearing how he impacted other people's lives, and even still impacts them. 

I don't like that he isn't here to see me perform, and jealous that he is listening to better music in heaven. 

I'm sad that most people in my life don't know him. I'm sad that my future husband and family missed that part of my life. And for my poor husband having to live up to my dad's reputation. :)

I miss him. For my sake. For my mom's sake. For my sister and her family. He would have been the greatest grandpa. I miss him for my brother who has to figure out life without a dad. For his sister's who no longer have a big brother. For his parents who miss their oldest child and shouldn't have to deal with the loss of a child. I miss him for all the people who never got to meet him.

But, I'm grateful that I did have him as my dad. And beyond grateful that I have my Heavenly Father who has been faithful through the last 11 years. For He is faithful, and worthy to be called Father.

Love you, Dad.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, Leanne. Thanks for sharing so openly. I don't remember much about your dad, but I can honestly say that I have heard about him a lot and never once has anyone had anything bad to say about him.