I feel a little bit like Bilbo Baggins - There and Back Again
The last feel months have been...Hard? Challenging? Stretching? I'm not sure the correct term. I don't think there is one. They have just the kind of months that you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and hope they lead somewhere.
A couple major things happened. Job Change and Relationship Change. Did you catch the theme there? Change. Have you met me? Exactly. Change.
Job. Yes, yet again I have changed my profession, or perhaps returned to it. After only seven months at my "new job", I decided to get a "new, new job" much sooner than I expected. There were serveral series of events that led up to the necessity to change, mostly due to the fantastic-ness of my new job. Let's put it simply 1) Better pay 2) More vacation 3) Back to my first "love" of the building/development world 4) Working with one of my best friends, and the real kicker 5) 10 flippin' minutes from home.
Really, how can you go wrong? The hardest thing ever was telling my boss, after only a few months of working that I was quitting. I felt terrible - like dirt. I was just getting good at my job (sort of) and starting to become useful. It was hard. I truly hope I never have to quit a job again (but then again, I hope not to work forever either....hmmm, me and my skewed logic again). It was emotionally draining to come to this decision and make the change happen.
I've been at the new, new job for one month and love it. Love what I do. Love the people I work with. Love the commute. I'm so thankful for the Lord's leading in finding this new fit for me. Seriously, so thankful!
|Perhaps having too much fun on a Friday afternoon at the office?|
Relationship. Yes, exciting. No, not exciting. Boy. No Boy. That's how my spring went. I won't go into more detail. But the emotions of being so excited, and then so crushed is exhausting and so much work...especially in the midst quitting and starting a new job.
Again, have you met me? I'm slightly emotional. Okay, a lot emotional. If you haven't seen me in April and May, be thankful, because the emotions of all this change were strange. (For those of you who have been part of my past few months, I can't express the incredible thankfulness I have that God chose you to be in my life. Seriously, I'm overwhelmed by your love, care and prayer).
Change. Change has great potential, right? It can be a change for good. Change can make life that much better. If you never embrace change, you can't move forward, can't get better at the things you do or the person you are. But change is scary because it's stepping out on a limb. It's stepping out of your normal to attempt a new normal. You take a risk. And you could fail. You could fall. You ask questions.
So I asked questions.
Big Ones: Do I take these new opportunities? What should I be doing with my life? Who should I spend my time with? What ramifications will these decisions have on my life in the future? What does my future look like? Do I take this job?
Little Ones: Do I say yes or no? What questions do I ask? Did I say the right thing? Am I too happy? Am I too sad? Do I open? Do I trust now? When is the right time? What do I wear? ;)
Prayer. Never has my life been more full of prayer. It has been bathed in prayer. Saturated. Soaked. It.has.been.wonderful. All the questions - asked of the Lord. And He answered and is so faithful.
Can I just say that God is real? So real and present in my life. He has given me more grace and direction than ever before. Through every joy, sorrow, love, friend, hug, ache and smile, Jesus has been right by my side. Showing me His immense love for me. Immense. Intense. I am His -- He cares.
I know, this is the most random "throw up" of thoughts...but I look at these moments:
Job. Relationship. Change. Prayer.
And I'm so thankful. Thankful to experience joy in the changes. Thankful for the opportunity to grow and be challenged. Thankful for God's grace. Thankful that I can saturate my life in prayer and it makes a difference. Thankful to be pushed (or dragged) closer to Him. Thankful to feel the intense and immense love of Jesus.
I feel like God has taken me on a journey. There and back again. I don't know where "there" was...and I don't even know where He's bring me "back" to.
But I'm on His journey. And I love it, because I love Him.