Sitting at the airport again. It's my favourite place to blog. Perhaps it's because I've just spent the last two days in Vancouver and I've had plenty of time to myself and time to just sit and think.
Why is it that people have such a hard time asking for help? Okay, wait, let's be honest, why do *I* have such a hard time asking for help?
Work has been difficult recently. I know. I always say that. And I must add this disclaimer, I really do *love* my job. Perhaps when you really love something you look for the faults or something. Anyways, it's been hard. I've had many moments of frustration and tears. I've had times when I've wondered if it really is worth it. I mean, I'm not sure what I'd do if I threw in the towel, but I'm sure I could find something easier, right? Before you tell me that I'll just find issues with something new (because I already know that!), don't worry, I haven't done anything drastic. I figure if I've stuck on this road over the last 8 months then I can probably ride out anything.
But, back to the hard. I know that things have to change. I don't like the frustration and tears. I want joy and accomplishment. So, I've been analyzing it. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?! If I need something, I know I just need ask my boss for it and he will do it for me (he is that amazing!).
When looking at the reasons for my frustration, everything was related back to one thing. Lack of understanding. I've never had a job with a mold. There hasn't been a job description. My job is reactive to the next thing on the company agenda. I did admin, then customer service and communication, now I'm on marketing. For one day to another I have no idea what task will be on my plate. The here is the thing, I've never had to come up with these tasks. They've been handed to me. Alex would come, tell me what to do, when to do it, how to do it and why I was doing it. But now, things are changing.
I'm still being give tasks...but they're bigger and the explanation period is smaller, simply because there isn't someone right there to help me. Instead I need to ask for the details. This is different. This is pushing me. This is hard.
I don't like admitting I don't know how to do something or that I need help. I'd like to think that I'll just know it or struggle through it and yes; sometimes that works. But these days, more often that not, I end up just sitting there staring at my computer is frustration for lack of not doing what to do...but rarely to I pick up the phone to ask. Why?
So, as I think about my frustrations. When I wonder why I'm doing something. When I don't know how to do something. When I wonder what exactly that dimension means. When I don't know what a schluter strip is. When I wonder what to do. Just ask. The answer is so simple, but oh so hard. I'd rather be the know it all. JUST ASK.
That's my goal. I've known this for a long time. But you know what, there just comes a time when you need to just do it. So, I will. Oh Lord help me, I will ask.