So, I've been meaning to write since my little melt down post last week. I don't want people to think I'm on the verge of tears at every point in my life.
I have lots running through my mind right now and I'm not sure how much I can organize into my thoughts. I'm in Vancouver for business again. I was here last week, got sick this week, and then managed to stumble my way on to the plane at 7:00am yesterday morning. I love coming to Vancouver (although I really wish I were feeling better this time around).
I made the comment yesterday that I'm not sure I can qualify this as a truly "Canadian" city...All you Vancouver-ites will shoot me for that comment. But in the last few days I've seen more green plants than I do in Calgary on a summer day, I've seen flowers blooming!, I've seen people walking down the street in shorts, and people complaining about the "cold" with it was far above zero...I am only joking, but it's quite pleasant to have the reprieve for awhile.
But, I love coming because I get to work with people. I am so motivated and "directed" when I come home. I've just met with people who have given me direction, I've been able to over hear conversations that make me feel "in the know" again, I've been able to just chat with my co-workers (which is really hard to do over the phone). It is just so easy to be here, while to work in Calgary, it's hard. It's hard to motivate myself. It's hard to have to pick up the phone to talk to someone and not walk down the hall. It's hard to out of the loop.
HOWEVER, this is a big however because I don't want to make is seem like I don't enjoy work. I've realized over the last few months that I've been "remote". This process is actually teaching me to communicate and have thoughts of my own. Yes, nothing is easy, but the lessons I'm learning are not just work lessons, but work lessons.
Working in a team is difficult. Understanding different personalities takes work, perception and sensitivity. It takes effort to make sure I can communicate so people can understand my thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
And while most people know I usually have no problems expressing myself, it's strange that this doesn't naturally come out in my work environment. Maybe it is because I've always being placed in a position where I don't feel like I have confidence. But all my "career" (I still don't think of myself as having a career) I've been very willing to sit back and do what people tell me. In a remote situation, that doesn't work...I don't really like it, but I've having to show and be confident in areas that I don't feel 100% confident. I do think this is a good thing...and very uncomfortable thing, but a good thing.
I don't love learning the lessons I'm learning through back and forth process. It's not easy, but I do thank God that He's giving me the opportunity to learn them, even through my tears.
God, sometimes I'm not sure about Your plans, but I'm going to stick it out and learn what You want me to...with joy.
I have no pictures of Vancouver, so here's a fantastic one of me waiting at the airport. :)
p.s. The second reason I love to come is that I get a night off and to myself. I sure love hanging out in the hotel, going to see a movie, watching TV, going for a walk, reading a book (I need a new one!), catching up on e-mail, and not having to go out...it is a true treat.